Thursday, 15 March 2012

The Escape?

There are certain things like love, crush, hatred, squabbles, and some childhood incidents that we tend forget in the course of time. But there are certain things that eventually make us remember from certain incidents or people connected to it or sometimes even certain kind of smell (it might sound weird but some things do come up that way). It’s something that made me remember about an incident when I was going through my facebook newsfeed today.
 This happened a long time back, around 13 years when I was in 4th grade. There used to be a girl whom I liked, I wouldn’t say love because I believe love is a feeling that I will never understand until I lose it. I might call it a crush. In any case I wouldn’t have known the difference between both; movies taught me the phrase ‘I love you’ way before hormones started messing up with my mind. Alright I will start with the story now, I was kind of attracted to this girl and situations were favorable for me or I grabbed them by my side( I can’t remember), I finally found a place in the class to sit next to her. So naturally we started becoming good friends. And hey, don’t judge my actions; it is just that guys somehow find ways to get acquainted with the girls they like, people won’t notice it sometimes and the ones that look obvious are actually amateur ones who are still in the process of learning ;-) In my case, no one ever suspected me (I cannot boast about my ‘girl acquainting’ prowess ;-)).
Days went by and I even visited her house for getting some homework questions (oh those horrible days! I never got rid of assignments till this day).  Now that I knew where she lived, I started roaming around her neighborhood whenever I had the chance to slip out of my house. It was something that every fool did when he had nothing to do. Now that I am writing this, I ought to mention something else. There was this guy in my class who liked this girl and we both never actually liked each other when we were kids. Not because of this girl, it is just that we both had very opposite characters that we never got along well, I suppose we never even had a proper conversation. Who knows, maybe I liked this girl just because this guy had a crush on her? (so villainous :-D). Okay I could imagine some writhing faces not able to put up with my drivel, yet I am unable spare the relevant details that strikes my mind when I am writing this. So getting back to the nub of the story, my incomprehensible fever of crush went up to such a level that I was chanting ‘I love X’(X is supposed to be that girl) like a mantra. I have heard some people say that fear is something that humans have to ‘learn’, and same goes with the tamil proverb ‘iLam kandru bayam ariyadhu’. It was partly true in my case; I had guts to go up to the front door of her house chanting that mantra over and over in my mind. I was even about to knock the door, then I suddenly came out of the trance and I stood there hesitating. I realized someone from inside saw me standing near the door and was about to open it. There are few things that are reflexive and I bet the instance of me, fleeing away from that place might be apt. I never thought of running away, I ran before I even knocked the door and I could never figure out the reason. The most funniest part was, when I was half way across the street, I heard the girl shouting out my name so loud and I never stopped.

 This incident came to my mind after so long that I even suspected it really happened or just a figment of my imagination. And then I assured myself that, it cannot be imagination; such a girl exists in my friend list and this incident hit my mind as soon as I saw her profile. Sometimes I feel that I discover things rather than making them up, every existing thing and feelings that I had in my childhood has a story behind it, and I vaguely remember them either through dreams or some pictures or smell as I said before.

 The irony of this incident is that, she never asked me the reason behind the mysterious behavior and at the same time I lost the ‘whatever’ feeling I had for her. Coming to think of it, life would have been way more awesome if I were to forget my feelings like that; I guess it would be the same for everyone.